I feel so sad for you. Please do work with a good counselor. You don’t have to live like this.
But also, you are starting to sound dangerously like one of those red-pill guys who acts out violently. I hope you can turn yourself around. Your first step is to stop wallowing in the toxic anti-woman places on the internet. Your second is to see a therapist and confess what kind of things you’ve been saying online.