How can you say "overly obsessed with racism, sexism, and genderism, etc., far out of proportion to their incidence, to an unhealthy and unproductive extent, to the point that it makes the person obnoxious" and still claim to be in favor of being polite and kind?

I think of the southerners who were polite and kind to their Black housekeepers but would have had a stroke if their son had married one.