Give yourself some grace. I did spank Erma once. I had horrific morning sickness when pregnant with Snack. I was lying down, fighting nausea. She wanted me to go with her to the bathroom, but was capable of handing it herself, and I was in the bedroom right next to the bathroom. She deliberately peed on me! She did get a smack on the butt then -- her one and only. I apologized for it. She laughs about it now and says she'd do the same. What I did was not right, but I'm also only human and was still figuring things out then. Also, I was really sick for months. Key thing is I did apologize to her and say what I did was wrong.