I was 18 when I first walked into a newsroom. There was a gritty smell to a newsroom in those days, and if you didn’t witness it then, you’ve missed it. It’s the scent of vats of ink. Enormous rolls of pulpy paper. Burnt coffee in dirty cups. The ghosts…

And other lies I tell myself — My granddaughter lost our TV remote. “It’ll turn up,” I said. That was about two years ago. It has never turned up. To this day, my husband has to walk over to the TV to do certain things to it — I’ve never understood why one TV needs two remotes…

Maybe try, I don’t know, a needle store? — People say looking for a partner, a job and many other things is like “looking for a needle in a haystack.” Leave the haystack. There are no needles there. Instead, go someplace like a fabric store — a place that will actually have needles. You’ll find it’s a helluva lot easier to find…

Crayola is fixing my problems one crayon at a time — When I was a kid, I coveted the 64-pack of Crayola crayons with a built-in sharpener on the back of the box. I usually had a 24-pack of some off-brand, which was never as good. In 1970s grade school culture, the kids with the 64-pack were the snooty influencers of…

Splurges are just for the rich — As you know, the poors should stay in their hovels eating beans and rice, using their landline phones to apply for better jobs. That is how you know they are good poors who know their place. If they dare to spend money on anything but bare survival, they are bad…

Do you know the difference between the two? — Nobody would ever consider me fashionable, but everybody, even me, has a style. I’m not willing to put money into it. I don’t throw out clothing or home furnishings because they look dated. When I actually need a new pair of jeans, I buy whatever style is on offer at…

Now, people can simply go around the laws — You can now make your own gun with a 3D printer, or you can buy a ghost gun using parts you put together yourself. You can grow your own pot very easily, and many other drugs are easy enough to make yourself from common ingredients. (You saw Breaking Bad.) You…

That $400 Verizon credit isn’t coming — Buying a new phone is as stressful as buying a new car, and nearly as expensive. At least when you buy a car, they don’t try to force you to talk to a bot. Can you imagine shouting “I said I want a green SUV!” into a phone repeatedly? “Come…

Maybe it’s time for the ‘elves’ to quiet quit Christmas — Christmas is magic for little kids. For women, not so much. We’re the uncredited elves, and it’s time for us to quiet quit Christmas. It’s expensive. It’s stressful. It’s a source of clutter and bills and sugary food you shouldn’t be eating so much of anyway. It exhausts women and…